Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
