I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
too bad you live with your parents still
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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