my phone needs a breathalizer
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
