Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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