hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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