In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
