My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I FOUND THE LEGS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need water and some morals
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
