Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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