So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
