I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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