Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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