Im at strip club and am horny
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
