I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
