A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
