The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
