dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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