Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
