No more Irish car bombs ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
