Soap is not a condiment
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
