how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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