are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
