she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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