Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
