you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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