His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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