After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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