a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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