Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
