i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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