Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
