3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
