I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize