The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Can I color on your dick again?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
