I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
