at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize