Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
