I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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