So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
