I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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