Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
