i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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