i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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