spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
