actually, I'm a sock model
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
