So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
