i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
