Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
