dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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