In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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