just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just pee around me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
