half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
