Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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