Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
