It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
