I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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