How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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