And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
