I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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