...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
