It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
