I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
