I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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