You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
