i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
