if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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