We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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