i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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