My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
