from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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