dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
