maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
