Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize