Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didn't notice because vodka
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
