I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
