Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
