people are starting to question the shark bite story
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
