Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
