At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think your dad took our porno
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize