I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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