I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
