Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
