i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
