goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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