I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
