It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
