Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Don't make out with my wife yet
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
