Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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