I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
