Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
