Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
