we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
