There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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