You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
