I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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