i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
