The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So many bounce houses so little time
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
