I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
