i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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