operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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