At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
