i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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