Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
