so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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