Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
