giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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