Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
