he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
