I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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