i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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